


you had me (****ed up)

by fldx



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bickering, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-31 18:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21450421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fldx/pseuds/fldx
Summary: it used to be so hard to seeorit's a small world after allordoyoung can't stand seeing ten, and suddenly ten is everywhere he looks
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67
Collections: NCT Rarepair





	you had me (****ed up)

**Author's Note:**

> warnings for use of lapslock, excessive italics and cliches. title from loving is easy ([i love this cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvnO8UOPwdk)). this is set in ??? no particular country, i am still living out my university dreams through AUs that don't ever quite make sense.

ten drives doyoung crazy. it's been over a year since the - the thing, whatever, since johnny went official with his girlfriend - and doyoung still can't get rid of him.

ten, that is, not johnny.

doyoung doesn't even _care_ anymore except for the fact that ten just happens to show up wherever doyoung is too. his favourite cafe? there. the campus gym? there. the shop where he buys his mom perfume for christmas _every year_? there too, and god damn it, that's a boutique. it's _special_. it took doyoung three years of searching for the best perfumer in the greater seoul area to pick the perfect gift and ten just waltzes in while doyoung is _umm_-ing and _ahh_-ing over scents, and starts chatting to the shop manager as if they're old friends.

kun is polite enough to apologise to doyoung for the interrupting but ten just blinks at him, as if he's surprised to even see someone there.

that's what irks doyoung. doyoung is meticulous. he organises things to a _t_ because he might be a little anal about things going his way but it's a force of habit that he's learning to shake and he'd honestly thought he was made progress last year. nothing like a broken heart to force you into letting things go. doyoung is meticulous and ten seems oblivious to everything and it drives doyoung _mad_.

"i think you might be bitter that ten got closer to a date with johnny than you did," muses jeno. he's sat across from doyoung, almost the picture of innocence but doyoung can sense his teasing from a mile away. of course jeno would wait until doyoung has paid for their coffees before picking on his hyung. 

"i'm not bitter about anything except that ten took a whole _half hour_ of kun's time to pick a perfume when kun was helping me first! i had to have yangyang help me instead!"

"didn't your mom love this year's perfume?"

doyoung sniffs. "yes, but that's beside the point. ten is a nuisance and i don't care about him at all."

"you sound pretty obsessed with talking about me for someone who doesn't care," ten interrupts, because doyoung can have no peace in life.

he drapes himself across the back of doyoung's chair, the warmth of his arm leaching through his sweater and making doyoung suck in a breath. 

ten smells of pepper and winter spices, doyoung tries not to notice. 

"we're talking about you, not to you," doyoung says shortly. "please go away."

"oh?" replies ten. "you admit that you're talking about me though."

doyoung grits his teeth. "it's another ten."

across, jeno is stifling his laughter rather unssuccessfully. doyoung has half a mind to kick him underneath the table.

"sure it is," ten says, sarcasm dripping. he sucks on his iced coffee, straw rattling the remaining ice cubes. "well, i'd love to meet him some day, since ten's a pretty uncommon name."

doyoung doesn't know how to reply, so he doesn't. with ten, ignoring him is usually the best strategy. he picks up his phone instead and ten, sensing he won't get another reaction, stands up to leave.

"i'll look forward to meeting this new ten around," he says and with that, he ruffles doyoung's carefully styled hair before walking to the exit. "see you soon!"

"i hope not," mutters doyoung, not quite _sotto voce_. he doesn't care if ten hears because it's the truth. the next time he sees ten will still be too soon.

jeno has tears of laughter in his eyes that doyoung ignores in favour of his (more weather appropriate) hot chocolate. who even drinks iced coffee in cold weather? people who want to get sick, that's who.

"i can't believe-" jeno starts and doyoung holds up a finger.

"don't even say a thing. we're finshing our drinks and leaving and never coming back."

"oh, really?" says a small voice, and doyoung wonders if he'll ever get his foot out of his mouth today. jisung looks like he might just cry and doyoung quickly backtracks. 

"no, uh, of course not! you know me, i'm back every other day," doyoung says. he stands up quickly, gathering his and jeno's mugs to help jisung clear the table. one day he'll stop bending over backwards to make things less awkward but that day is not today.

-

the thing is, it doesn't even make sense, ten turning up all the time. they're not in the same course - hell, doyoung's not even sure ten attends university at all, with how little he seems ten in _actual_ classes. for most of last year, the only time doyoung saw ten was when the other was hanging out with johnny, plastered against his side and laughing at whatever undoubtedly terrible joke he'd just cracked. 

doyoung's friendship circle is pretty well contained and if someone's name isn't essential to remember, he leaves it behind with other insignificant details (what they're wearing, their coffee order, how tall they are). annoyingly, doyoung's brain filed _ten_ away as a name to remember. maybe it had to do with his little crush, the way his heart ached just a little seeing ten walking across campus with johnny by his side.

and the thing is, in retrospect, ten was never doyoung's biggest threat. that was probably himself, for not realising how shallow his affections had become, lost in the depth of infatuation. in retrospect, doyoung's chances were probably shot from the start from the way he never got to know johnny beyond the surface. hindsight is 20/20. still, seeing ten with johnny - it's become pavlovian, how he reacts.

doyoung sees ten and he can feel his cheeks flushing, heart rate picking up at how worked up ten gets him. it's not fair because ten knows doyoung too well for someone who's barely an aquantance. he hates that ten can make him this way, the way ten has _seen_ doyoung at his worst and still has the nerve to smile at him, try to crack a joke. doyoung puts on a cool face but in his pockets, his hands are sweaty, fiddling with his rings as he pretends to ignore ten across the desk at the library, _just stopping by_ as if that's a normal thing to do.

he buries himself back in his music composition notebook and wonders when the world got this small.

-

"will ten be there?" donghyuck asks, evil glinting in his eyes.

"of course," yangyang says. "he's really good friends with kun-ge and hendery. i think lucas invited taeyong though, if you're worried you won't know anyone."

doyoung rolls his eyes at the way donghyuck is obviously trying to tease him and has half a mind to tell jeno to keep his mouth shut. he's trying this new strategy where he doesn't think about ten, even when his friends bring him up. which is annoyingly often, now that it transpires that 90% of his friends know ten. usually through johnny. donghyuck knows mark who knows taeyong (who doyoung knows too) who knows johnny who knows ten. who probably also knows taeyong but doyoung tries not to think about that too hard because he doesn't want his friendship with taeyong to be ruined. he only really has space for one sort of short but lithe dancer with a personal space problem in his life. 

"taeyong was actually the one who invited us," says donghyuck, flipping through the pages of the scent catalogue in search of the perfect gift. "oooh, what about this one, hyung?"

he turns the book towards doyoung, pages open to a picture of a solid grey bottle, initials etched into the glass. "it's tasteful, i think he'll like it."

"i think so too," nods yangyang. "we can help pick a custom scent from the things you said mark likes..."

and doyoung takes this as his cue to tune out. sometimes he regrets being so seemingly approachable. between helping jeno's friends as _the responsible hyung_ and trying to finish his coursework, doyoung barely has time for himself. still, taeyong will probably have his neck if doyoung doesn't go out next weekend. he called it a _coming of age ceremony_ for kun which has to be tongue in cheek, since kun is the most adult person doyoung knows. really, it's to celebrate kun finally paying off his student debt, and doyoung can drink to that. it'll be years before he's done his graduate degree, and many more after that before he's payed off all his loans. his stomach sinks thinking about it but not as much as it does when donghyuck turns to him, eyes glimmering like he knows doyoung will fall for it.

"you're lucky jeno likes you," doyoung says as he pulls out his wallet. "i don't just spoil everyone."

"yes you do," chorus yangyang and donghyuck. 

doyoung rolls his eyes as the card machine beeps and yeah, maybe he does. he needs new friends. or fewer ones. 

-

"everyone else is drunk," bemoans doyoung, leaning into the side of taeyong. 

he doesn't know enough people here and as much as he was complaining about how expensive his friends are to keep around, he wishes he had someone else to talk to. jeno had pulled him over to the bar as soon as doyoung arrived and tried to ply him with soju almost immediately. doyoung is, fortunately or unfortunately, too used to drinking to get tipsy that easily which meant he's spent most of the last few hours watching donghyuck, jeno and renjun get progressively more drunk. he'd caught taeyong earlier for five minutes, managed to toast kun for making it to the final stage of adulthood (ignoring property ownership, probably a fever dream), and then subsequently lost him to the dancefloor. 

he wanted to go home an hour ago but jaehyun had caught him as he'd tried to leave and roped him into a conversation about pop music theory and whether or not the beer at the bar was even worth the price. now, though, he's found his ticket out - if he can drag taeyong back to the apartment blocks, surely that's the end of the party, right?

taeyong chuckles next to him, and it must be the lighting in this corner because doyoung _swore_ taeyoung dyed his hair silver again and-

"oh."

"you're drunk too," ten says, ruffling doyoung's hair. "how are you even cuter like this?"

doyoung frowns. ten doesn't think he's cute. he can't, it's against the rules of this - whatever they have going on. besides, "i'm not drunk. 'm perfectly sober."

"yeah," laughs ten, "and this bickering we always do isn't filirting."

and _that_ -

okay, maybe doyoung is drunk because he can't quite process that. he blinks, eyes feeling wide open for the first time since he walked in and ten tilts his head curiously. there's a moment of silence where ten takes in doyoung's reaction before taking back control of his expression.

"you haven't been flirting," ten realises. it's not a question but doyoung feels the need to reply.

"i never-"

"never thought? yeah, of course. johnny's right, you never think hard enough about others," and he sounds hurt but now doyoung is too because that's _not_ true.

"i care about others! i care about my friends but we're nowhere near that," doyoung spits back. he backs away from ten now, an ocean of turmoil churning away in his guts.

"because you never want to _talk_ to me," replies ten. "i've tried being nice to you but you were too busy obsessing over my friends to even notice."

this is not how doyoung wants the night to end. "don't- don't bring that up."

"what," snarks ten, "you don't want to talk about how i saw you crying when johnny started dating joy? don't bring up how you stayed on my couch all night because you didn't even want your room mate to know? you don't want to talk about how _you_ kissed me, then said it was just to get over johnny, then left?"

"i don't have to listen to this," doyoung says, turning away. doyoung doesn't want to listen to ten because then he'll have to think, to remember why he reacts this way to the other. he'll have to remember ten's hands on his face, cradling it like he saw something precious. remember the way he thought they could maybe bond over heartbreak, only to realise he was the only one in too deep - both with his affections and the way he was getting over them.

"i'm sorry," ten says, "but it's true. i thought maybe you'd grown to like me but i guess you really do hate seeing me around."

doyoung has nothing to say to that. he has nothing to say to anyone because the next moment, ten is gone and doyoung is alone with his own thoughts. he turns around, tries to ignore the way the bartender has clearly been eavesdropping and signals for another bottle of soju. he needs it.

-

"so ten's been moping."

it's the last person doyoung expects to see in the ceramics studio. he'd taken this elective because he _knows_ no one else is stupid enough to stand near open kilns and near breakable objects for the cost of their grade but the empty studio is empty no more. johnny stands with his stupidly long arms crossed over his stupidly broad chest and he's wearing this stupid smile that-

okay, maybe doyoung hasn't moved on as much as he'd thought. 

"why are you telling me this?" doyoung says, turning back to his project. the sides of the tumbler are a little crooked. maybe he can call it abstract sculpting.

"because even though you're the reason for it, i think you can be the answer too."

doyoung snorts out a laugh. "sure, i believe you."

a chair scrapes across the ground as johnny pulls up across the table from him. "you should. he really does like you, even if it doesn't seem like it. ten still thinks pulling on pigtails is an effective strategy."

"i don't wear pigtails?" doyoung says, looking at johnny, confused.

"it's a figure of speech," he says, sighing. "look, what i'm trying to say is, i'm sorry for making things awkward between us but that doesn't mean you have to be awkward with ten."

"i'm not - it's not because of you," and doyoung realises as he says it, that it's true. things aren't awkward between them because of johnny but because of doyoung. "i messed up."

johnny _hmms_ a response, encouraging doyoung to continue.

"i thought - i was trying to talk out my feelings and ten was there and i guess. maybe i took advantage of that." the _and i've been ignoring him ever since_ goes unsaid.

"you're not a bad guy," johnny says. "just, you know, a little awkward. so is ten. that's why i'm here."

"what, to make it all better? to tell me where he is so i can apologist then we'll kiss and make up?"

johnny laughs. "you said it, not me. if you want to find him, instead of letting him find you, he'll be at the dance studios across from taeyong's place."

"i- i need to think it over." 

"sure," johnny replies. "so i'll let you know he'll see you there?"

"oh, please don't," doyoung says but johnny's already waving good bye. doyoung still has to fire the tumbler but at least he'll have time to go over what he actually wants to say. 

-

ten pauses in the middle of his routine when the door squeaks open and doyoung can't even pretend to sneak in. the room is both bigger and smaller than he imagined and ten stands in the centre, spine pulled taut as a string. 

"so," doyoung starts, because he has to say something. "do you come here often?"

ten doesn't look surprised to see doyoung in the reflection of the dance studio mirrors, which means johnny probably _did_ give him that heads up.

"only every other day," ten replies. it's a response, which is warmer than doyoung was expecting. he looks - entrancing, is probably the right word. his hair is slicked back, either with gel or with sweat, and doyoung finds his eyes wandering to the glimpse of ten's rib cage peeking out the sides of his tank top.

"is this where you are when you're not loitering around campus?" doyoung asks and, _god_, he was going to try so hard to not tease. 

"it's not loitering when i'm also a student." ten stalks over and doyoung tries not to flinch as he passes by but he's only reaching for his gym bag, conveniently right next to where doyoung is standing. doyoung stays quiet.

"i'm a dance performance major," ten says, slumping against the wall. he slides all the way down until he's on the floor, body like a bag of bones. "that's why i'm never in lectures. we don't have that many."

"oh," says doyoung. it's an underwhelmingly logical explanation. 

"plus, i skip every lecture i can," continues ten and doyoung laughs because that makes more sense. 

"i wish i could do that," says doyoung.

"but you could," replies ten. "you can do whatever you want. i'm pretty sure your lecturers will breathe a sigh of relief to know you're not working yourself to death. your friends too."

"i don't - i'm not that dedicated."

ten looks at him in disbelief. "look, from one workaholic to another, you can afford to take a break. which is what i'm trying to do here, so if you can please leave?"

"how can this be a break if it's your major too?" doyoung asks. it's not where he wants the conversation to go but he _needs_ to keep this up, to wear ten down until he can say what he's actually here to say.

"it's just... different. like the difference between writing an essay and writing a song, i guess."

"one comes from the heart?" 

ten shrugs. "in dancing, both do, but when it's just for me, i feel free."

doyoung thinks he can see that. here, ten looks the closest to relaxed doyoung has ever seen him. he looks raw, exposed and that's what gives doyoung the strength to speak. "i'm sorry. for everything." 

ten is still sitting on the ground and doyoung feels awkward looming over him, so he gestures at the space next to ten awkwardly and takes his silence as acceptance. they sit, not quite shoulder to shoulder, and doyoung takes his time to choose his words deliberately. 

"when we met, i was in a bad place. stressed from university and i guess a little disenchanted with it all. that's not an excuse-" doyoung says quickly, "but i'm giving you context.

i was stressed and a little lonely and then i met you. and johnny."

"mostly johnny," says ten.

"yeah," doyoung admits. "mostly johnny. but i remember you too, with your americano and your white button up. you and johnny looked so happy and sweet and i guess i wanted that? and then i found out you _weren't_ dating him and i thought maybe i had a chance."

"with johnny." ten sounds bitter.

"i just - i didn't see you like that," doyoung says, apologetically. 

ten shrugs. "i guess i never made it obvious that i was interested."

"or maybe i'm just oblivious," concedes doyoung. "someone once told me i don't think about others."

"that sounds rude," ten says. "like the kind of thing someone would regret saying after the fact."

it's as close to an apology as doyoung has ever heard from ten.

"it's kind of true though. i was oblivious and i guess i was embarrassed after i kissed you and said those things. and then i kept seeing you everywhere and i didn't really want to confront everything that had happened. i don't like - i'm not good at public self reflection."

and maybe they're getting too real, too raw but doyoung needs to at least let ten know this once.

"i think i was ashamed that you had seen me a way some of my closest friends, even my family, have not."

ten shuffles closer, bumps his shoulder against doyoung. "you, afraid of intimacy?"

"afraid of what you could see in me, i guess." doyoung closes his eyes against the studio lights and takes a minute to breathe. like this, he concentrates on the surroundings - the slight roughness of the wood under his fingers, the warmth from the lights on his skin. the scent of winter spices and pepper and sweat and the way his skin raises up in goosebumps when he realises how close he is to ten.

"i see someone who is bright," ten says. "and who is generous. and full of love for others and what he does and-"

doyoung stops ten with a kiss, presses their lips together and waits for the other to respond, awkward and unsure until he feels ten relax under his touch. he tastes like mint, sweet and cool like winter and doyoung can't get enough. it's a push and pull between them until ten is straddling doyoung, on top of his lap like two handfuls of energy that doyoung can't contain. 

he can't even bring himself to care that ten is covered in sweat or that he still has his coat on. ten pushes it off his shoulders, trying to get more skin on skin and maybe doyoung should have guessed that it would be like this with the way they bicker - all that teasing turning into something more.

"i mean it now, you know," mumbles doyoung, breaking away as ten presses kisses against his jaw. "i know it seems fast but- "

"i know," ten says, laughing. "you were a little obsessed with me."

doyoung can't even bring himself to deny it, so he kisses ten instead. his hand cups the small of ten's back and it takes all of doyoung's self control not to grind up against ten's ass, not to slap it gently in retaliation. ten has no such qualms and moves his hips in a way that drives doyoung mad. ten has a wicked tongue and a wicked body and doyoung can see himself getting lost in it all too fast. 

"you know," doyoung says, breaking away for a second time, "we'll have to talk about this properly some time."

ten smiles. "sure, but maybe when we're not busy making out." 

he pulls doyoung in by the neck and kisses him deeply and maybe ten's mouth can do more than just talk shit.

-

it's sort of funny how life can bring people together. ten's habits grate on doyoung's nerves at times, like how he insists on borrowing doyoung's clothes when he stays over, or when he demands on having a blanket _and_ a fan on during the summer, but it's mostly tolerable now. especially things like this, how ten insists on napping curled up next to doyoung, limbs entangled, fitting like a puzzle piece that doyoung never knew was missing. it's easy and perfect and nothing has really changed in the way they bicker except how their intentions are clear.

ten still drives doyoung crazy and doyoung loves every minute of it. 

**Author's Note:**

> in my head, in ten's head mariah carey's obsessed played every time he caught doyoung looking at him.


End file.
